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Love Does Not Insist On Its Own Way

Stubbornness we deprecate, firmness we condone. The former is our neighbor’s trait, the latter is our own. ~John Wooden

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Why? My way is better. I have expertise and insight, my track record speaks for itself. While you were drooling in diapers I was moving mountains. It will all end better if you let me have my way.

Why? It’s more convenient for me. I’ve got everything mapped out to get from here to there. A scenic detour will mean more effort and long delays. We will get there faster if you let me have my way.

Why? I don’t trust your ability to make good decisions. In the past you’ve made some real bloopers, and no doubt you’ll make a few more. Face it, your critical thinking skills are fuzzy. I insist, let me have my way.

Why? I’m afraid, so great is my need to be admired, to manage my image and maintain my grip on the rudder. I’ll lose respect if I give you free will. I insist on everything going my way,

So you won’t be free to. Yours truly, the God you would invent.

Because God does not insist on his own way we can stop insisting on ours.

The Unstubborn Way Of Love

Our self-will is so subtle and so deeply rooted within our own selves and defends itself with so many reasons, that when we try to fight against it, we manage to lose in the end. We end up doing our own will under many covers–of charity, of necessity, or of justice.

But God’s love wills to stand naked and without any cover since it has nothing to hide.

I have seen this love. Indeed, every day I feel myself more occupied with him, and I feel a greater fire within. It is as if I have given the keys of my house to Love with permission to do all that is necessary.

May this be our prayer: “I do not want to turn my eyes from you, O God. There I want them to stay and not move no matter what happens to me, within or without.”

For those who trust in God need not worry about themselves.

From Life And Teachings by Catherine of Genoa (1447-1550)

Do you struggle to let go of control?

This is post six of our Lent To Love: A Return to the Source series on 1 Corinthians 13. Join us on the journey to Easter! Subscribing to e-mail is easy–scroll on up the page and turn right.

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Why Is Everyone So Arrogant And Rude?

The truest characters of ignorance are vanity, pride and arrogance. ~Samuel Butler

Love is not arrogant or rude.

I scroll down the heated comment thread, responses to an online article I’ve just read. My mind reels from the openly arrogant, vicious replies addressed to any whose opinion dares to differ.

Who are these people? Are they even real?arrogant

I picture the commenters in a line-up, a motley, intolerant bunch, fingers stuck deep in their ears as they  scream at a blank wall. For some reason they’ve embraced an all-too-common cartoon version of themselves–an ugly counterfeit designed in hell.

I admit I’m tempted to join in.

I grab car keys and run my errands. The bagger at the grocery store smiles and endorses my shopping choices. A courteous teen holds open a door. A respectful Apple-store genius listens to my low-tech questions, and humbly offers his thoughts.

Who are these people? Are they real?

Yes, whether they know it yet or not. Embracing their true humanity, patterned after God’s own image, they look at life through heaven-made eyes.

But arrogant eyes won’t see it, a rude-shaped heart will miss God’s whisper, Return to me, embrace your truest self.

Blaise Pascal: What Is Hidden To The Rude And Arrogant

If God had wished to overcome the obstinacy of the most hardened, he could have done so by revealing himself to them so plainly that they could not doubt the truth of his essence, as he will appear on the last day with such thunder and lightning and such convulsions of nature that the dead will rise up and the blindest will see him.

This is not the way he wished to appear when he came in mildness because so many had shown themselves unworthy of his clemency that he wished to deprive them of the good they did not desire. It was therefore not right that he should appear in a manner manifestly divine and absolutely capable of convincing everyone, but neither was it right that his coming should be so hidden that he could not be recognized by those who sincerely sought him. He wished to make himself perfectly recognizable to them.

Thus wishing to appear openly to those who seek him with all their heart and hidden from those who shun him with all their heart, he has qualified our knowledge of him by giving signs which can be seen by those who seek him and not by those who do not.

There is enough light for those who desire only to see, and enough darkness for those of a contrary disposition.

From, Pensées by Blaise Pascal (1623-1662) Also see Psalm 18:25-27.

Are you tempted by the arrogance of others to embrace a counterfeit version of you?

This is post five of our Lent To Love: A Return to the Source series on 1 Corinthians 13. Join us on the journey to Easter!

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Faith Life

Today’s Special: Creamed Envy On Boast

Pretty clever title, don’t you think? Love does not envy or boastI have to spice things up a bit because this other blogger I’m fortunate to be meeting amazing writers these days. is getting way more traffic to her blog, which is so unfair since my content has that certain je ne sais quoi few others have. I’m inspired by their quiet humility, I did, after all, win that 7th Grade poetry context and if you wait a moment I’ll show you the trophy which comes across as genuine love, as if they are equally pleased when others succeed as when they do.

What if Jesus were known for his boasting and envy?

“You liked that miracle? Check out my ratings–all 5 star reviews! Tell your friends to hurry–signs and wonders are half-off all week!” “Pilate, do you have any idea what my father does for a living? When’s the last time you turned water into wine?” “Peter, be honest, what does John the Baptist have that I don’t? Why do the crowds love him?”

What if? A major love-fail, the death of our one hope. We didn’t need more of the same, we needed humble love, with not envy, but goodwill to all people as its aim.

Thomas à Kempis on the subject:

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Take glory neither in money, if you have some, nor in influential friends, but in God who gives you everything and above all wants to give you himself.

Avoid boasting about the size or beauty of your body, which a little illness can disfigure or destroy.

Have no pride in your native wit and talent; that would displease God who gave you every good thing that you naturally possess.

Reject the thought that you are better than anyone else. If you think such haughty thoughts, God (who knows what is in you) will consider you worst than they.

Pride about our good deeds is pointless. God has his own ideas regarding what is good and he does not always agree with us. If there is something good about you, believe better things of others.

This will keep you humble.

It will not hurt you at all to consider yourself less righteous than others, but it will be disastrous for you to consider yourself better than even one person.

The humble are always at peace; the proud are often envious and angry.

~From The Imitation of Christ

How would an envy-and-boast-free diet change your life?

This is post four of our Lent To Love: A Return to the Source series on 1 Corinthians 13. Join us on the journey to Easter!

Photograph by Melanie Hunt

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Love Is Kind Because Life Is Unkind Enough

If you want to be holy, be kind. ~Frederick Buechner

1. She was kind.

A Sunday School class of chatty fourth graders, we were not an easy crowd. To my self-conscious, easily shamed mind, she never failed. Though her methods were corny and her coolness factor low, her kindness won me.

Long into my adulthood she wrote to me, prayed for me, hugged me when I came home. I love Jesus today because she was kind, when kindness was not always easy.

2. He needed stitches.

The doctor wrapped my two-year old son in a tiny white straight-jacket, my job was to keep his head still. His eyes were huge, uncertain–his own mother wouldn’t rescue him from the sharp needle hovering above. He was betrayed in his misery.

But the doctor knew his craft. His gentle voice soothed our way through the dreaded procedure. A sticker and lollipop later, my son had learned that kindness sometimes comes in disguise.

3. I was frustrated.

My productive morning ended with the telephone’s shrill ring. In response to my clenched words, I was offered a great deal on a product I didn’t need, by a person I’ve never met. I’ll never ease the burdens he carried–perhaps unpaid bills, a strained relationship, the longing for just one word of kindness at the end of his memorized pitch.

Because I was not kind.

God Is Kind

Isaiah 42:3. Jesus fulfilled the prophet’s prediction, a bruised reed he will not break, and a dimly burning wick he will not quench. 

How easy it is to break a reed already bent. How unthinkingly we lick our fingers to extinguish a flame almost out. Those who need kindness the most are the ones least likely to receive it.

The bruising blows, the sudden puff of calamity or shame–none of us escapes. But the un-breaking, un-quenching example of Jesus proclaims the power of kindness to save.

Embrace The Kindness Of God

Kindness is not sentiment, an emotion of the moment. Kindness refers to a habit, a daily practice of bandaging reeds and refusing to snuff out even the smokiest of flames.

Kindness is love in action and in restraint, and never fails to leave its mark.

I have wept in the night
At the shortness of sight
That to others’ needs made me blind.
But I never have yet
Had a tinge of regret
For being a little too kind.
~ Unknown

Where have you noticed kindness? Is there a daily practice you’ve found helpful?

This is post three of our Lent To Love: A Return to the Source series on 1 Corinthians 13. Join us on the journey to Easter!

 

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Is God Disappointed In Me? Love Is Patient

And it is because we are like children, struggling to walk on broken legs, that He is moved in great compassion toward us, and He eternally delights in us and rushes to aid us in our struggle. ~Julian of Norwich

Which God? This One?

God taps his foot and checks the clock every few seconds. It’s clear he’s had it up to here with me. I am slow to learn. I repeat the same mistakes again, and again, and (just when I think I’ve mastered the technique of perfect living) again. His fingers rub at weary temples, the angels hovering nearby nod in sympathy. He sighs the words I’ve heard so often, “What am I going to do with you? Won’t you ever get it right?”

I am his disappointment.

Or This One?

God sits on the ground, cross-legged, in front of me. His hands are held out, his smile encourages my hesitant steps, his eyes fill with concern as I stumble. The same dip in the path, the same tree root hidden by grass trips me every time. If God doesn’t catch me, my face will meet painful gravel. But he knows. The angels watch for a signal as they position themselves around me. My ways, my wanderings, my wants are as familiar to my Father as his own thoughts.

I am his beloved child.

Which God do you awaken to each day? Who looks over your shoulder: An Accuser, or an Advocate?

The Apostle Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 13:4, love is patient. Patience is not a whim of the moment, but at the core of God’s character.

God is Patient: Capable of waiting, able to endure waiting, delay, or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset.

Is the fruit of patience growing in you? Are you patient with people and the slow progress they’ve made? Are you patient with your self, your failures and flaws? Are you patient with God and his confusing delays?

Even when you are not, God is patient.

In Lent We Remember: Love Is Patient

And all our sin toward one another results from this: The lower creature does not know how much it is loved by God, and so we live in darkness and selfish fear; afraid to give and forgive. So love must fill us and replace our emptiness and sin, for all our turmoil and harshness toward each other result from lack of love.

Julian of Norwich (1342-1413)

Will you let your patient Father love you today?

This is post two of our Lent To Love: A Return to the Source series on 1 Corinthians 13. Join us on the journey to Easter!

 

 

Photographs by M.E. Armbruster and M.C. Hunt
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Lent To Love: A Return To The Source

It is in coming to you daily–weak, hungry and in need of your Life flowing through me–that my troubled and darkened soul gradually gains in strength. ~St. Augustine

Lent: What does it mean?

1. Life itself is lentAshes, dust, a flower lasting but a moment, fading in the strong sun–you are temporary.

You are not the owner, you are a guest of the gracious Landlord. You learn, in time, to behave as a good guest will.

You say thank you, you clean up your mess and make your bed for the next guest to use.

You don’t hoard provisions or fight for position at the table; you pass the food, knowing your Host will rise early, tempting you from sleep with the aromas of the freshly baked day,

Lenten reminder: this is all given on loan.

2. You are lent to us.

Your kind words, your calloused hands, your willing feet are gifts from God to us. God’s works have been designed with you in mind–he knows your bent, the tasks that leave you breathless with joy, the life-bringing language only you speak.

Lenten reminder: you are blessed to be a blessing.

3. Jesus was lent to make a way to love.

God’s Son walked this earth long enough for us to see love fleshed out, long enough to accomplish the mighty act of redemption that changed everything.

Lenten reminder: what is lent to love can never be lost.

Lent is not a season of deprivation, but a return to love’s true source. When you fast, you acknowledge you’ve had enough of drinking from muddy wells and are ready to dip cupped hands into the spring that never runs dry.

Lent is from the Saxon word for spring.

  • Spring, the season: barren and cold,  we look for signs of new life.
  • Spring, the source: dry and desolate, we revive our thirst for God.

Lent To Love

In the weeks ahead we will look at the way of love, 1 Corinthians 13. The chapter begins with a warning: it’s time to turn from life defined by achievement, by the response of the crowd. Because

  • No human eloquence,
  • No amazing acts of spiritual power,
  • No extraordinary generosity or martyrdom,

no headline grabbing excellence amounts to anything in the end, without love.

Without God’s love walking around in the unique, on loan, shape of you.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3

What will you let go of so you can grasp this love?

Photograph by Melanie Hunt
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Eighth Deadly Thought: Pride

The heart of the world is breaking under this load of pride and pretense. A.W. Tozer

Pride: an inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit or superiority, conceit, smugness, self-importance, egotism, arrogance.

The last, and perhaps the worst, of the Eight Deadly Thoughts that derail us and propel us away from God.

We’re convinced the main goal of life is to achieve a high self-esteem, and it shows.

We are quick to take offense, quick to feel superior, quick to believe we are better than we are, to give ourselves the credit for what we have achieved. We “prefer to be a wretched lord rather than a happy subject,” wrote Bernard of Clairvaux (1090-1153) of our twisted relationship with God. He continues,

Pride in the mind is a great beam which…blocks the mind’s eye and blots out the light of truth, so that if your mind is full of it you cannot see yourself as you really are. Nor can you see what you might be. You see what you would like to be and think yourself to be, or hope that you will be. For what else is pride, but, as one saint defines it, love of one’s own excellence?

Pride is a perversion of God-given identity–we swim around like a school of spiritual puffer fish, convinced by our own pretending.

Exhibit A: Pride

Pity me, pinned as I am like a moth to cork board. A magnifying glass hovers above me, and even now the label is being neatly printed, Superbia, Latin for Pride.

The evidence against me:

  • I compare with an eye to boost my self-image,
  • I rush to judgment, pre-judge and even judge the judges,
  • I make excuses for my failure and presume my success is my own.
  • If I’m praised, “How insightful!” If I’m criticized, “How unkind!”
  • And more, but it hurts my pride to tell…

The Pursuit Of Humility

There is hope for me, and for all who hear pride’s whisper: The lovely grace of humility. How do we find her door? Three steps will get us there, as Jesus taught us:

  1. Sickened of self (repent), 
  2. we strive to be like Christ (hunger for righteousness), 
  3. and find our true identity in self-giving love (for in sharing another’s suffering we learn we are the same).

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent, the 40 day journey to Easter. What may seem to be a season of deprivation, is actually an invitation to abstain from pride and to feast on God.  Please join us, and invite others to come along, for a 14 post series: Lent To Love, beginning this Friday.

Are you fasting during Lent? Have you considered abstaining from one of the Eight Deadly Thoughts?

 

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Sabbath Quiet: Dark Night Of The Soul

Faith is a dark night for man, but in this very way it gives him light.~Saint John of the Cross

Dark Night Of The Soul

Let it suffice to say, then, that God perceives the imperfections within us, and because of his love for us, urges us to grow up. His love is not content to leave us in our weakness, and for this reason he takes us into a dark night.

He weans us from all of the pleasures by giving us dry times and inward darkness.

In doing so he is able to take away all these vices and create virtues within us.

Through the dark night

  • pride becomes humility,
  • greed becomes simplicity,
  • wrath becomes contentment,
  • luxury becomes peace,
  • gluttony becomes moderation,
  • envy becomes joy,
  • and sloth becomes strength.

No soul will ever grow deep in the spiritual life unless God works passively in that soul by means of the dark night.

Saint John of the Cross (1542-1591)

Consider the mercy of Jesus Christ that he will not leave us to the whispered lies, but will, for our own sake, lead us through the dark night of letting go.

Have you found virtue growing in the darkness?

Photograph by Melanie Hunt
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Seventh Deadly Thought: Vainglory

The vain-glory of this world is a deceitful sweetness, a fruitless labor, a perpetual fear, a dangerous honor…Francis Quarles

Vainglory: 1. excessive elation or pride over one’s own achievements, abilities, etc., boastful vanity. 2. empty pomp or show.

One of the Eight Deadly Thoughts that rob us of joy.

My moment of glory. A solo, bravely sung in Spanish before a crowded outdoor plaza in Mexico City. My friend Bruce was singing background vocals. He smiled as we walked off the stage–perhaps we had touched hearts with our brilliant rendition. As I passed the booth I heard the sound guy mutter, “Huh! I forgot to turn her microphone on.” I fought back tears–no one in the crowd heard one note I sang.

There were other songs, other soloists, God got the glory (and maybe some humans did too). But I wanted my share, some reward for my effort.

We all do. Is it too much to ask? Just,

  • a name in the program,
  • a place on the platform,
  • a mention in the credits,
  • or a title on the door?
  • a Best-of-the-Year award,
  • or a mention in the “Top Fifty,”
  • or some version of 15 minutes of fame?
  • a standing ovation or at least a paycheck,

when we’ve worked so hard and so well for so long?

Vainglory Is Idolatry

The powerful cultural message assaults our egos from every side: market yourself, create your brand, air-brush your image, because only the successful and celebrated matter in this world.

Vainglory’s bottom line: We make an idol of our own image, and expect others to bow down.

Jesus Asks,

“What if I appoint you to serve me with no hope of acclaim, no extrinsic reward, no thanks, no recognition, no title, no pay, would you still sing your heart out if your audience is just me, if your only applause is my whispered well done?

Philippians 2:3-5: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus…

  • who took the last place
  • endured humiliation we will never experience
  • promoted not himself, but the Father
  • avoided the applause of the crowd
  • purchased our freedom with the price of his own blood

so we don’t need the “vain” glory of this world.

Have your accomplishments been ignored and unrewarded? Is that okay with you?

 

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Sixth Deadly Thought: Acedia

Let nothing disturb you, let nothing frighten you. God alone is enough. ~Teresa of Avila

Acedia, boredom or apathy that leads to despair.

The desert monastics called it the noon-day devil, from Psalm 91:6, “the destruction that wastes at noonday.”

Acedia is also known as sloth, not as in lazy–acedia can hide behind frenetic activity–but as in spiritually paralyzed.

Acedia is one of the Eight Deadly Thoughts that divert us from the way of love.

The voice of acedia beckons when,

  • your spiritual progress is slow,
  • you discover all Christians are hypocrites,
  • admired leaders fall from their pedestal,
  • you pray, read your Bible and help others and feel only empty and dry,
  • it takes more energy than you have to care.

Acedia is  the rank, foggy bog of the spiritual journey. No stars glimmer above, no soft-green-grass comforts underfoot. You can’t see light ahead, and you can’t remember any good behind.

You see no reason to keep going. Your mind wanders, imagining a life with no demands, where all is safe, soft and sanitized and any effort you make is wildly applauded.

In some ways this is the New American dream–escape to a safe cocoon of gated, gratifying comfort. Years ago I noticed a billboard along the freeway, declaring, in large, bold letters, “Life isn’t meant to be painful.”

But it is painful, sometimes necessarily so. And when some Christian voices claim we can avoid suffering, that prosperity is our given right, acedia is whispering in the background.

The Only Antidote For Acedia

Only one word of advice is offered by the ancient church fathers: ResistResist the devil and he will flee from you (James 4:7)

Don’t listen. Stand firm. Commit. Stay constant. Keep walking through the fog and it will clear.

  • If love may hurt you, love anyway.
  • If prayer is un-rewarding, pray anyway.
  • If everyone is a hypocrite, be genuine anyway.
  • If you are weary of trying, try anyway.
  • If one person can’t make a difference, make it anyway.
  • If it’s hard to follow Christ, follow him anyway.

As Teresa of Avila reminds, when everything and everyone else fails, God alone is enough.

When are you most tempted to stop caring? What helps you recover your joy?

 

 

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