“Introverts treasure the close relationships they have stretched so much to make.”~ Adam S. McHugh
It was my choice to come, but I’m not comfortable, here on the surface with you.
I’m uneasy with shifting currents, with bluster and gusting demands for attention, as voices dive and swirl overhead. If I try to speak, my words toss on the waves, or spray away with the wind–a salty rebuke, a briny betrayal of convictions too early exposed.
Why does it feel like conversation is a competition and I’ve left my weapons on the shore?
I don’t know why you glance away at my remark. I can’t detect the meaning behind your unfiltered words, your sudden distraction, your frustrated sigh. You probably don’t understand my frowning intensity, or my stammered, stymied replies. I can’t fathom your serial selfies, you are amazed at my turtled retreat. You say a thing, and mean another, I say a thing and wish I hadn’t, because there was something so much better to be said.
But I won’t know it until you’re out of earshot. Until, in the quiet of dawn, my heart belatedly speaks.
The Introvert’s Invitation
The wild and windblown shallows are not my home–they are where I must come to find you. But I wish you would know my Introvert world, how deep beneath the chit and the chat there is airy calm, the slow, weighted drift of ideas and wonder. There, where words can linger, one finds acceptance and patience for unfashionable questions, for half-shaped answers, for unspoken, subtle delight. In a quiet corner of this sub-marine cavern is a table set only for two.
Some have been willing to join me there. Will you?
A Postscript
I would laminate the words above and hang them around my neck if I thought it would make a difference. In the company of others I feel the need to explain myself, though no one has ever asked. Do you Introverts resonate? Can you Extroverts understand? I recently thumbed through a thesaurus and found this.
Extrovert: outgoing, unselfish, sociable, people-oriented, friendly, amicable, congenial.
Introvert: self-observer, self-absorbed, brooder, muser, shy, bashful, timid, wallflower.
I wonder which type wrote the book…
Photograph by Melanie Hunt
16 replies on “The Introvert’s Dilemma”
Janet,
Your writing is beautfiul…………………………..such a gift…………..thanks for sharing it…
You are welcome, Debbie. I am touched by your comment.
Loved this Janet! As an introvert I would suggest the Thesaurus be corrected limit the extrovert to outgoing, sociable, people oriented. And likewise the introvert to observer, socially challenged, preferring solitude I feel unselfish, friendly, congenial and amicable tendencies are reflected in both types. And brooder, muser, shy, bashful, timid, wallflower fit some but definitely not all introverts. Which answers the question, who wrote the book…..
Brilliantly put, Nancy. When I think of those “unselfish, friendly, congenial, and amicable” people I know (like you!), they defy the categories. Many Introverts are people oriented, just maybe not crowds of them at a time, some extroverts are self-obsessed, though they are happy in a crowd.
This is beautiful, Janet. When I do Myers-Briggs in class, I separate the extroverts and introverts and have them answer the question “What fascinates you most about the other?” For the introverts, they often say that they are fascinated by people who always have something to say. For extroverts, they are fascinated that it is possible to not always put your foot in your mouth! They say that when their introvert friends say something, it is something worth saying. But so often extroverts have no filter between the brain and the mouth and walk away from an interaction not believing the stupid things they said!
That’s great, Deb! A great way to increase understanding. 🙂
Boy, do I resonate. I am an introvert that operates in an extrovert world. Many people do not realize this fact about me, because they see the public persona as educator, speaker, musician. Thanks, Janet, for putting into words what my heart says.
We see your beauty, Gail, and your depth. There is a cost in joining that world, but I’m grateful you do.
In a word, yes. 🙂 Yes, your words resonate deeply. The fact they often resonate is a treasure!
Rebecca, you remind me–treasure seldom floats on the surface. Yes, right back atcha.
My husband is an introvert. I am not. I’ve done a lot of study to try and understand him. You say it well.
Gerry, that’s wonderful! May we all seek to understand each other better!
Thanks for letting an extrovert like know what an introvert’s life is like. helps me understand my introvert husband & younger daughter are like
You’re welcome, Sylvie. How lucky they are that you care to know!
Janet,
I am so sorry for the ways we extroverts have caused you pain. And I want to thank you for the gift of your introversion – you bring depth to any conversation I have with you.
I’m also amazed and proud of the way you have persisted over the years in sharing the wisdom and beauty of your words and your art – despite the possibility of being misunderstood or rejected. May God continue to give you the courage, tenacity, creativity, and opportunity to speak life and truth into a world filled with shallowness.
Thanks for being transparent in this post. 🙂
Linda, so indicative of your tender heart that you apologize! My intent is self-understanding, to name the discomfort and so reduce it to its proper size. But more, to say to others out there, “this is normal! The real dilemma of the Introvert is we can feel awkwardly alone when surrounded by people and wonder why. Thank you for caring!